Order in the Court

Al Gore's new book, The Assault on Reason, cautions against a news culture dominated by such distractions from the truly crucial issues facing our country as Britney's rehab or Paris' jail time. But even Al would have to admit that the crazy reversals in Hilton's time served -- from three days in jail to two days at home to a distraught ride back to the poky today -- is about something significant. Like John Edwards has been saying since 2004, there are Two Americas, and it's just too much for the lucky America to get house arrest in a mansion on an estate for a crime that could easily have led to somebody else's child's death.

Paris Hilton was convicted of driving under the influence of alcohol, then violated the terms of her suspended driver's license twice, finally getting punished the second time. Ms. Hilton is known for no great public acts, no U.N. missions or adopting of Cambodian kids, nothing but the glorification of conspicuous consumption and objectified sexuality. So by she's slipping out of jail on the excuse of some unnamed medical condition (Cocaine addiction? Low thread-count sheets? Anxiety about public facilities?) she has engendered negative public sympathy.

Her tears of horror and being shipped back for maybe another twenty days hasn't helped her, either. We want our heroes to be strong, even if they violate the law and get punished. Especially. Compare to Robert Mitchum's 1948 arrest and conviction, from Pot Culture: Bob's Your Uncle:

Mitchum hired the hottest lawyer in Hollywood, Jerry Geisler, who managed to get his trial postponed until January 10, when he was found guilty of 'conspiracy to possess' marijuana. Despite submitting a written plea for probation - in which he did crawl somewhat to the judge - on 9 February, 1949, Mitchum was obliged to spend the next two months in the county jail. Laconic Bob wasn't too put out by it, though. A famous photograph records his reaction and Bob's sardonic expression says something like, 'Don't confuse me with someone who gives a shit'. He later described prison as being "like Palm Springs without the riff raff."

Mitchum was to cool to care. Photographs from the jail showed prisoner 91234 mopping floors, his quiff flopping over his famously lidded eyes. He did his time without complaining and emerged with his career miraculously intact after Howard Hughes of RKO bought out his contract and put out a shelved Mitchum movie, Rachel And The Stranger, to test public opinion. Audiences cheered and applauded whenever he appeared on the screen.

The pictures in the article tell the story, his hilarious hipster cool response to the verdict and the great publicity shot taken on the way out -- after his lawyer snuck in a newly pressed suit.

If I were the Hilton family I'd drop the stupid appeal and just make the girl serve the time before going back to a life of ruinous privilege and, if she's smart, a duck out of the public eye to a quick kingdom-merger marriage with some rich piece of Eurotrash who will keep her out of the country and away from any publicity at all.

Meanwhile, as discussed here as well, Irving Lewis "Scooter" Libby not only got the time from his judge, but in commenting on the letters of support by a host of notorious Neocon luminaries and fellow travelers in the most rarefied Washington air, Reggie B. Walton of Federal District Court in Washington has written what may go down in history as the most sarcastic footnote to a decision in American history (per paradocs at Kos:

It is an impressive show of public service when twelve prominent and distinguished current and former law professors of well-respected schools are able to amass their collective wisdom in the course of only several days to provide their legal expertise to the Court on behalf of a criminal defendant. The Court trusts that this is an indication of these eminent academics' willingness in the future to step to the plate and provide like assistance in cases involving any of the numerous litigants, both in this Court and throughout the courts of our nation, who lack the financial means to fully and properly articulate the merits of their legal positions even in instances where failure to do so could result in monetary penalties, incarceration, or worse. The Court will certainly not hesitate to call for such assistance from these luminaries, as necessary in the interests of justice and equity, whenever similar questions arise in the cases that come before it.

Mmm, I can't wait to see Robert Bork writing on behalf of Joe W. Schmoe the next time he's hauled in for lying to the FBI and obstructing Federal justice.

Bork, for those who haven't studied up, was Richard Nixon's Justice Department hack who carried out the orders that set the final self-destruction of that Administration in motion, the infamous "Saturday Night Massacre". He was then nominated to the Supreme Court by then President Ronald Reagan, and got voted down over his anti-abortion choice and anti-civil rights writings.

Now Bork is in legal news again. A strong proponent of "tort reform", aimed at reducing plaintiff rights and awards, he's now suing the Yale Club in NYC for $1,000,000 in compensatory + punitive damages. The charge the 80-year old Bork is leveling (per ACSBlog):

Judge Bork was scheduled to give a speech at the club, but he fell when mounting the dais, and injured his head and left leg. He alleges that the Yale Club is liable for the $1m plus punitive damages because they "wantonly, willfully, and recklessly" failed to provide staging which he could climb safely.

More evidence that we're living in the post-ironic age? Or just run-of-the-mill Conservative hypocrisy?

Nettertainment trusts that in this instance, just as with the two other cases cited herein, the court will deliver what we call, for lack of a better term...

...justice.